Recently, I've been reading motivational books. Since last year, I'm suffering from emotional pressure. Like everything went wrong. I was scolded numerous of times by everyone I felt. I have to admit that I was not able to focus on my things. It's just all went wrong.
Early last month on January 2019, due to never ending emotional pressure from everywhere, I was decided to leave for short trip. I booked flight ticket for next day flight.
After work, I rushed to the Airport for KL from Kota Kinabalu (KK). Once arrived, I am ready for check in. When handing over my documents to the flight check in staff, they was showing me a weird look and informed me that the flight is from KL instead of KK. My tickets was all wrong. Not one way, but return tickets. I'm blanked. I do not know what am I supposed to do. To change ticket also very expensive. I have to buy new return tickets. I stand somewhere in the Airport. I'm not able to think of any solution.
After about 20 minutes, I have decided to buy new return ticket. I have no choice as the ticket counter also about to close. I just can't stay in KK for now. I really need to leave. I called my non-biological sister in KL. She was expecting me to arrive at 8.45pm that day. She was shock when I told her the story but she's trying to calm me down. She advised me to be calm, accept the things happening, relax and do necessary action to settle the flight tickets things.
She was graduated in psychological course (I don't know exactly what that course suppose to be named). She has that words soothing and calming. She always able to calm me down. Very patient in listening to my complains etc. I am thankful to have her beside me in all difficult situation. I feel relived after that and bought the tickets again.
As I walk around the Airport, I saw a bookstore. I glance through almost each and every rack in the bookstore until I saw 1 book which written on it "13 things mentally strong people don't do". I read some of the content and it's interesting. I decided to buy it. I kept reading until I reach KL. I can't wait to flip to another page. Each wordings affect me so much and I didn't realise that sometime I keep nodding in agreeing to the words that I'm reading. It's so motivating. I can feel it's real as it was written by someone who experienced a terrible and massive life challenge. I feel fresh as I compare my life challenge to the writer's life. The feeling is different. Like some heavy and big stone being removed from my head and eyesight. I am able to see things clearly, started to examine what's happening around me. Evaluating the things in different angle.
That moment, I feel renewed. I wont allow outsider to decide what am I, what am I capable of. I wont allow them to read my mind. I will decide all of that because this is my life and it's my own decision. As I think back, there's a lot of thing in me influenced by others. My happiness likely depends on certain person and certain act.
I now realised that I can't force people to accept me, to think about me, to recognise and to see what am I doing. I cant ask a person to see how important and precious I am supposed to be. I will no longer allow idiotic act to happen but I will not regretting the things that I've done in the past also because I know I did not do that for recognition but that is how I treated the person I care and how I treated the person who no longer within my attention. I'm shoooooing away all those negative things.
Among wordings that affect me a lot is....you are responsible for your own happiness. It is your decision whether one's act influenced you in any way. Others is not supposed to be responsible for your unhappiness. It's true!
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